The Weirdest Thing I Ever Ate

Before I moved to Endicott, I lived in the Silicon Valley in California--tech mecca of the universe. My boss, a very nice man, was Chinese. One day, he took all of us out to lunch. It was dim sum day at his favorite Chinese restaurant. On Dim Sum day, people with carts of various foods just keep coming around the restaurant and the host at your table takes whatever he wants and shares it with the people at the table. Barbecue pork, lo mein, roast duck. Life was good. Then came the jellyfish.

OK, in the Asian culture it is extremely rude to snub food, so with that in mind I shoved some jellyfish into my mouth. OMG! OMG! OMG! Take a look at the picture above. If you were going to eat a jellyfish, which part do you suppose you would be munching? I'll tell you--the tentacles. Imagine very thick spaghetti noodles with the consistency of a rubber band. I chewed and chewed and chewed and the tentacles didn't get any smaller. I just kept feeling it and tasting it in my mouth--it wouldn't go away. Meanwhile, my Chinese colleague across the table from me was devouring bite after bite of this, his favorite delicacy. I thought I was going to die. I finally just swallowed it. I'm pretty sure I had a fever afterward. I know I was sweating. It's ok though. We chased the jellyfish with chicken feet.

Super Power

I want to fly. I want to raise my arms and swoosh like a maniac through the skies of the southern tier. That's not true. I'd rather fly around in a warm tropical climate, but the bigger point is that I want to fly.

I want to dart in and out of cars and sit in the tops of trees. I want to race buses on the freeway; I want to go straight up until I can't stand it; I want to nose dive, but never hit the ground. I want to take my friends up with me; I want to fly all day and night. I think it might be fun to fly around the classroom too.

If I Had a Website at age 14

My fourteen-year old website would have been an homage to Motley Crue. I was a metal head and I thought Motley Crue was "all that." My friends and I used to sit around and talk about which group member we most wanted to marry so I would definitely have a section on my website about heavy metal weddings--black leather brides' dresses, spikes, and most important--giant hair. I had great 80's hair.

Please pick a particular age and tell us what your website would have looked like then. Pick something funny or awesome. Obviously, I picked awesome.

What Scares Me

I am scared to death of sharks. I saw Jaws when I was young and ever since then I have been deathly afraid of sharks. In fact, I am so afraid of sharks that I cannot swim in a swimming pool by myself for fear of a shark coming out of the filtration system. When I'm at the beach, I always make sure that somebody else is a little farther out in the waves than me so that any sharks will get that person first giving me ample time to escape. I read an article recently that said sharks don't eat people on purpose that sharks just get confused in their hunt for big fish. Uh huh. I so don't believe that. I know that all sharks specifically want to eat me. Therefore, I hate and fear them.

Somebody I Would Like to Meet

I wish I could have met Ronald Reagan before he died. He rocked the world; broke communism's back; scared the Iranians into releasing the hostages; kept the country together after the space shuttle disaster; and did so many other great things. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall! By the way, I was in the Marine Corps when Reagan was in office. Ooh Rah!

The Perfect First Date

I would want a handsome older guy to crash my father's masquerade party and lurk around the pillars of my family's Italian mansion. I would then like the guy to stare at me from afar and fall instantly in love with me. He should then work his way into the group dancing and make contact with me. I would want him to touch my hands only and talk to me about how pilgrims kiss. Later that night, he should sneak into my backyard and listen to me talk about how hott he is.

Who's the Most Annoying Celebrity?

Lindsay Lohan was such a cute girl. Now every time I see her in a magazine article or on the news, she's doing something lame. It used to be that people got embarrassed when they were stupid in public, but celebrity's today seem to bask in their stupidity and bad behavior.